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“As a first generation immigrant and a working woman in the US, I know from firsthand what healthy equity means to the individuals and how important for the development of successful next generations. That is why at Massive Bio, we hire significant portion of our team from people who have dealt with challenging diseases in their own family and are passionate to create a dent in the universe with one patient at a time.”
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We stand beside Tigerlily and commit to ensuring that all patients who represent diverse cultures, races, ethnicities, geographies, economic circumstances and sexual preferences have the opportunity for equal access to health information, resources and support that eliminate their barriers to better care. We commit to putting every patient first.”
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Greenbelt, MD. Prince George’s County, Montgomery County, Washington DC, and Virginia.
For many, there comes a de?ning moment in our lives that shapes who we are and who we will become. These moments, often arising unexpectedly, force us to discover deeper parts of ourselves that we had no idea laid dormant underneath the identities that we’d spent decades creating and curating.
This leads to two pivotal questions – what do these life-altering experiences reveal to us about life moving forward, and how do we navigate the newfound parts of ourselves after traumatic events? These are questions that Lisa Lakey, a self-proclaimed “Cancer Thriver,” who’s beaten cancer twice after her diagnosis at 35 and 40-years-old is asking.
She is a true warrior. Now that she is cancer-free, she’s passionate about doing the things that she was unable to before like volunteering heavily with the American Cancer Society, playing a lead role with Relay for Life, and other grassroots organizations in her city all while working full-time as a service manager.
I couldn’t help but wonder how she manages to do it all, especially while undergoing continued preventative treatment and carving out time with her family?
“It’s di?cult to balance. I’m actually still going through preventative treatments. So right now, I’m exhausted, to be completely honest with you. I’m having a hard time with this after-cancer life and how to navigate it. And with all my things that I had going on before and having to navigate this new Lisa, I’m wondering what her life will look like?”
Navigating life after cancer has changed her in more ways than she could ever have imagined. Going into detail about her life today, she describes this interesting phenomenon where her identity has been segmented into pre-cancer and post-cancer. Though I’d never considered this, it makes total sense. A life-changing event rarely, if ever, leaves us the same, and maybe it’s not supposed to. For Lisa and others, surviving cancer is not something that a person can simply “move on” from. In many ways, life after cancer proves to be more challenging to navigate because the massive support group during treatment moves on from the traumatic experience before the survivor does.
“When you get diagnosed with cancer, you have this team of your doctors and professionals, and then you have this big team behind you of your loved ones who are cheering for you every second of the way. They’re reaching out to you, calling and checking on you. You have a plan. You know exactly what’s going to happen, your treatments, and when you’re expecting all of this to end. And then it ends. And every single person literally thinks, ‘You’re cancer-free,’ and move on. It’s not that easy.”
Though she has moved forward in a way that celebrates and honors the beauty that is her life, she also acknowledged her grief. Cancer has changed her body, her relationships, and the life that she had imagined she would have. She’s found that explaining these changes to loved ones is di?cult.
What Lisa has found most helpful, and recommends the most to anyone, is to being willing to search for di?erent kinds of support at di?erent phases of your life and knowing that it’s okay to do so. Recently, she’s shifted her support system to her therapist and a support group. The group comprises other Cancer Thrivers where they discuss their unique struggles – the kind of struggles that are di?cult to put into words and could only be understood by those who have walked a similar journey.
“After I started group, it clicked immediately because they’re really the only ones who are going to understand, or maybe not understand, but will validate your thoughts.”
What I ?nd the most remarkable about Lisa is the way that, despite the challenges that she’s met, she views life with such incredible gratitude and love. When I asked her how this journey has shaped the way that she views life moving forward, she answered in a way that will stay with me forever.
“In the most deepest, just the deepest way ever. I don’t know if I can explain it, right, but like, I know, obviously, we all know life is precious, but I know that life is literally so precious. Every single day of every minute of every day I strive to live my life di?erently. I want to only be kind and positive. I don’t want negative toxins and everything that’s out in the world. I used to let things bother me and let things in. So, if anything, the positive, there’s a positive change, because I want to glow from the inside out and, and only be good Lisa.”
Though now cancer-free, Sam McKinnon, 32, still struggles with infections and other health-related issues. This is common among many cancer survivors, despite it often not being widely known among those who have not personally battled or known someone else who has battled cancer.
Earlier this spring, Sam spent about two months in the hospital. With that much time away from home, we talked about her four-year-old son, how this journey has impacted him, and how she explains her medical condition in ways he can understand.
“He’s been to doctor’s appointments with me because my husband’s working and I can’t ?nd someone else to watch him. So, he comes and watches his iPad. He’s very good. And he’s obviously seen me in the hospital. I would get day passes from the hospital sometimes. So, I’d be able to come home and be with him for the day, and even as much as put him to bed and be like, ‘Yeah, mommy has to go back to the hospital for the night.’ I think he’s dealt with it pretty well. We had some trouble this summer where he was acting out but also unusually needy towards me. So that’s where I feel like he was trying to process what had happened in the spring.”
Despite the seriousness of cancer, Sam and I were able to share a moment of humor. When her son asks questions, she answers, which is challenging yet strangely refreshing in that children acknowledge what adults often prefer to pretend away. When he asks about her nephrostomy tubes which connect to urine bags that she carries by her legs, she made it a point to explain it to him matter-of-factly, to which he replied with a simple, “Okay.” Yup – just like that.
Through my conversation with Sam, I’ve learned that often the most helpful action for cancer patients is not receiving rehearsed cookie-cutter positivity quotes that belong on Get Well cards from loved ones and strangers. They just need others to sit with them in their pain while acknowledging the reality of their circumstance. In many ways, it goes against our instinct because, as human beings and loved ones, in particular, we really would love nothing more than to solve their problem and take away the su?ering. Sitting with it, whether our own or another person’s, is di?cult and uncomfortable, but Sam said that it’s needed.
“I just feel like, when I’m telling someone about either my diagnosis or something traumatic in my last couple years that’s happened, either because they asked or, like, I’m just having a bad day of need to vent. Like, I’m not telling you, because I want you to ?x my problem, or make me feel better about it. I just need to say it out loud to get it out there. And I think that’s what people don’t realize. I think they take that on, and they feel like they need to give you advice or give you – you know – a silver lining or ?x your problem. But that’s not anyone’s intention unless you’re actually talking to a professional. But when it’s just like, you know, a friend or a stranger or acquaintance, you just want to be heard. And just acknowledge like, yeah, it sucks. You know, just the acknowledgment and validating that your situation is what is. It doesn’t need to be ?xed.”
I asked her if there’s anyone in her life who’s matched the kind of support that she described. Immediately, she mentioned her friend and co-worker Kim, followed by a wave of emotions that caused her to tear up for a moment. She recalled stories of true support – like the time when Kim went with her to a chemo session when Sam’s husband was unable to get o? work. Or when she drove round trip with Sam to a provincial conference two hours away so that she wouldn’t be alone with her thoughts. When Kim’s husband asked her why she did it, Kim responded, “Honestly, Sam is probably one of the only friends that would do it for me too.”
When Sam was initially diagnosed, she wondered if it was karma, but she now views her experience in a new light.
“After all the love and support that I got, I felt very much like maybe that’s what I needed. I needed a reminder of how well I’ve done in life and how loved I was by people. I just needed this reminder that I am doing something right in life. People care. They see me as a caring person. That was my positive spin on it.”
“I think it’s a two-way street. Because I think Sam would be there for us just like we are for her family in a heartbeat.”
When you find a true friend, it’s wise to hold on to them forever. As adults with hectic schedules, it’s hard enough carving out time for ourselves, let alone for others. So, when I spent an hour talking with Sam McKinnon about her cervical cancer journey and she began to tell me stories about how incredibly supportive her dear friend Kim has been throughout her entire cancer journey, I knew that I had to meet her for myself. Who is this incredible woman and what compels her to provide caregiving and compassion to others in a world that seems to lack it so deeply now?
Kim Bernakevitch, is exactly as Sam described — kind, generous, and likely to shed a few tears at the drop of a hat because of her deep compassion for others. She and Sam met at work as nuclear medicine technicians and with many friendships, their friendship grew so organically that she had trouble pinpointing an exact moment that solidified it for them. As she pieced their timeline together, she was surprised to even realize that their friendship had now spanned close to a decade.
“I don’t know how friendships and stuff happen, but you just end up spending more time with each other and the next thing you know, you’re really good friends. I know people show their friendship. Sam is very, very thoughtful.”
What I admire the most about Sam and Kim’s friendship is the unwavering and unquestioning support that they show to each other. There was a quality of openness between them when they described how their friendship has impacted their lives as individuals. It’s inspiring and truly a gift because relationships like that, whether platonic or romantic don’t come by often.
When asked what she cherishes the most about their friendship, Kim said that she loves Sam’s honesty and that you can share your unfiltered feelings with her and, she will listen. And once you’re finished sharing, she’s able to provide honest feedback that is free of as much sugarcoating as possible. The honesty is reciprocal — a key step in being an effective and supportive caregiver.
I told Kim about the conversation that Sam and I had about the ways that adults offer generic words of encouragement or immediately go into solutions mode when sometimes what is needed most is the quality time together to sit in the messy reality of our circumstances.
“I don’t know that I’ve ever told her like, ‘Oh you’re strong! You’ve got this like blah blah blah.’ I’m like, ‘No this sucks what you’re going through and it’s not fair.’ I’m trying to take that approach more in life now, too. Just to be honest with people. Like that’s the elephant in the room so let’s just address it. Like, feel free to have some food and get some drinks, move on but just acknowledge that yeah, it really sucks.”
In addition to unbridled honesty, Kim also offers Sam support by offering small doses of normalcy. When Sam’s doctor’s appointments are in the same hospital where they used to work together, many of their co-workers will sit with Sam for lunch to talk and catch up. While Sam spent two months in the hospital during the spring, Kim was quick to deliver snacks and quality time – no questions asked. And when Kim was out on maternity leave, they took it as an opportunity to go on a joint family vacation.
As our conversation came to an end, I asked her what she believes are qualities of a good caregiver or supporter for someone dealing with health issues. In summary, her advice was:
Lisa Lakey’s ?rst diagnosis was received in a Planned Parenthood at 18 years old. It was HPV, and with research discoveries of the virus still being relatively new, there were unfortunately no treatment plans o?ered or vaccines available.
It wouldn’t be until 2006 that the HPV vaccine would be o?cially approved for the public, and according to the World Health Organization1, it takes 15 to 20 years for cervical cancer to develop in women with normal immune systems. It can take only 5 to 10 years in women with weakened immune systems, such as those with untreated HIV infection.
With no treatment plan and the stigma stemming from her Catholic upbringing, Lisa told no one and continued on in her life – getting married at 20, raising her son (who is now 19 years old) and even ?nding new love in her current husband, Brian, after divorcing at 28. They had plans for their life together. They wanted to have a child and were making active plans to do that as they were beginning their fertility journey.
“I have a 19-year old with my ex-husband, but he doesn’t have his own biological children – my new husband. I do grieve what could have been and what should have been. And I think he does, too.”
Lisa was 35 is when she spoke up about her HPV diagnosis from nearly 20 years earlier. Her doctors immediately went into diagnostic and treatment mode. She underwent surgery where they discovered new cancer cells, and her gynecologist suggested a hysterectomy, and she also decided to schedule an appointment with an oncologist who could be able to o?cially stage her cancer. Her doctor diagnosed her with Stage 1A1 cervical cancer. Lisa made the di?cult decision to have a hysterectomy. Though she still had pains in her ovaries, her scans remained clear for the next three years.
Doctors told her that there was only a 5% chance that her cancer would return. Unfortunately, in 2019, at 40-years old, an ultrasound revealed an 18 centimeter cyst. Her cancer had metastasized to her ovaries, and after further tests, she was again diagnosed with Stage 1A1 cervical cancer. Given the nature of her diagnosis, her treatment plan was aggressive starting with the removal of her ovaries, fallopian tubes, and the cyst.
Lisa is now cancer free and when asked about the experience looking back, she describes her treatment plans and the support her of doctors and loved ones with immense gratitude. During the process, you’re given a plan that tells of the exact treatments you’ll receive as well as a timeframe for when you can expect to be ?nished with the treatment. But when all of that ends, the question is – what’s next? Moving forward after battling cancer is the new challenge, one that Lisa says has sparked her journey of self-discovery. She’s hopeful as she describes how her view on the preciousness of life is completely di?erent from before.
“I’m going to be a better Lisa. Like after all of this, I know I am. It’s there. This beautiful life, this world in front of us. And I don’t think I would have known any of that if I had just gone on living my life day to day like miserable sometimes and happy sometimes and materialistic, and like all of these things. For example, when I had cancer, I remember thinking money did not matter. Like nothing mattered to me. I didn’t want anything materialistic. I was just like, ‘None of this matters. Who cares if I have a credit card?’ You know, I actually saved money because I stopped spending money. Other people I’ve heard, go on spending sprees, or whatever but I was just like, I don’t need anything but like, love and happiness and health and that’s what I wanted to focus on.